What Do My Friends Who Are Separated Need to Hear From Me?

In Joppa, there was a disciple named Tabitha... Acts 9:36

A Christian Women's Website

What Do My Friends Who Are Separated Need to Hear From Me?

by Kelly Harbaugh
((Tabitha's Team))

It seems that in the past year we have seen marriages all around us fall apart. Some divorced, some are separated, some are still just struggling.

I pray for our friends' marriages often, but struggle with knowing what to say when I am around them. "I'm praying for you" sounds so awful.

Realizing that is probably very hard for them to talk about, I usually don't. I just make sure they know I am here if they need me.

Is there something more I could be doing?

Comments for
What Do My Friends Who Are Separated Need to Hear From Me?

Click here to add your own comments

Great Question
by: Sarah Stirman

That is a good question! Yes, people -- especially those who haven't walked that road -- simply don't know what to do with that kind of pain or struggle.

First, don't be apologetic about saying "I'm praying for you" -- but do be praying! Prayers for such a time as that are never wasted. If you have a relationship with that friend that would lend itself to praying WITH that person, you may offer to do that, as well.

Keep in mind that any break in a marriage -- whether it is a permanent break such as a divorce, or a temporary one that the couple is working to repair -- causes grief just as if it were a death. In the same way that it would be hurtful to approach a grieving mother or widow and ignore her pain, it would be hurtful to ignore the pain of a person in the middle of marriage crisis. A simple, yet sincere, "How are you doing?" and letting her talk would be nice. "Is there anything you need?" or "Is there anything I can help you with?" would be great -- especially for someone divorced and adjusting to a new role of being single again.

I know that people who DID for me greatly blessed me -- I needed people to watch my children so we could go to marriage counseling. Some friends came over and cleaned my house because I was simply too overwhelmed. Some friends gathered around me and prayed for our marriage. One anonymous friend dropped a gift card to our grocery store. Little things that meant a LOT to me at the time.

I also remember that people who didn't know what to do, so did nothing... really hurt my feelings. I've forgiven, but I felt very ignored at a time that I really needed support and help. A very simple: "I'm thinking about you" or "I'm praying for you" goes a long way in those times.

You NEVER know when a well-timed word will bless someone. I specifically remember one very sad day that was turned completely around because 3 different people took the time to be encouraging to me.

"A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver." Proverbs 25:11

Sarah Stirman writes writes The Cleft of the Rock blog. Having walked the lonely, difficult road of marriage reconciliation, Sarah is now a passionate advocate for strengthening marriages before they are in crisis.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Your Marriage Advice and Questions