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Is Proverbs 31 Driving You Crazy?

10 Things Not Found in Proverbs 31

Have you ever tried so hard to make things great for your family that you ended up frustrated, bitter, and snapping at every one of them?

You know, something like, "Go away and be quiet, can’t you see that I’m trying to be a good mother?"

Did you feel guilty because you could not be that Proverbs 31 Woman you were trying to be? Great news! The world of being a wife and mother is no different than the world of everything else we do before God.

There is no "special section" of God’s word that requires more than his love and grace to fulfill it in our lives. It requires grace. It requires relationship.

Proverbs 31 is not a checklist of works to perform to become a "virtuous woman." It is not an addendum to salvation and acceptance by God. It is a picture of the character that flows out of a woman who has a close authentic relationship with her savior.

I’ve seen many reader comments in reviews describing the various books published about the Proverbs 31 woman.

Above all, my favorite is, "It read like a car repair manual."

Let's not forget that our number one priority is to be a disciple. If we read Proverbs 31 as a "how-to" manual, we will always fail. Always. God’s only repair instructions have always been to come into the fullness of his grace daily and let him perfect us.

These verses (10-31) are actually an acrostic poem that would be memorized. It was a guide to Jewish men on finding a good wife.

Well, what tasks in these verses could a man actually evaluate before he married the woman and she actually started managing a household?

Proverbs 31:10 calls her a "wife of noble character."

Could it be her character that is being described in this poem?

This passage describes a woman who

• fears the Lord
• speaks with wisdom
• has faithful instruction on her tongue

She is a generous woman with a strong work ethic who does not get anxious about the future. A woman cannot authentically possess all of these characteristics together apart from a daily walk with God. They cannot be acquired by outwardly adding good industrious works.

Mike Erre said it best in The Jesus of Suburbia :

I have orange trees in my backyard at home. Turning them into apple trees requires something far greater than merely tying apples to their branches...If I want to change the fruit, I must change the inner nature (in essence,the "heart") of the tree.

The works that are listed in Proverbs 31 paint a beautiful picture of the fruit a woman will produce when her heart belongs to God.

This is what brings her praise.

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." (Proverbs 31:29)

Unfortunately, we tend to get this backwards most of the time. We say, "If you can do all of the things on this list, you will have become a wife of noble character."

If that wasn’t enough, we add a whole list of other requirements that we assume are included.

After all, she is superwoman; If she works so hard, her house must be spotless and her family must be angelic. I’ve got an idea. Let’s not try to add to God’s word and make it better. I think he did a good job the first time.

10 Things Not Found
in Proverbs 31

Here is a list of 10 things not found in Proverbs 31:

1. Her coffee table never has dust on it.
2. Many have eaten off of her kitchen floor.
3. Immaculate Home Magazine just did a photo shoot in her living room.
4. She does all of the housework herself while the kids play video games.
5. All of the words that flow from her children’s mouths are blessed.
6. All of her children are straight A students, musical geniuses, and all-star athletes.
7. Her hair is always fixed perfectly and her make-up is artfully applied.
8. She does not touch make-up or hairspray because it is vain and the art of Satan.
9. She never makes a bad decision.
10. She is classroom mom, PTO President, the bearer of orange slices at soccer games, and the church committee queen.

It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But you know that you have added at least a few of these things to your "Proverbs 31 list."

Remember Martha and Mary? Which one do you think had a list like this in her pocket? Drop the scrub brush and grab a Bible. Sit at Jesus’ feet and become a disciple. Let him give you his character, and you will have the one thing needed to carry out everything else.

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Perfectionism Resources

God, Use Me Just the Way I Am, DVD By Angela Thomas / Word Entertainment Inc

The Hurried Women Syndrome, DVD By Catherine Hart-Weber / Word Entertainment Inc

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul By John & Stasi Eldredge / Thomas Nelson

Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently By Marcus Buckingham / Thomas Nelson

Let Go: Live Free of the Burdens All Women Know By Sheila Walsh / Thomas Nelson

Your Life in Rhythm: Achieving Freedom from Burnout, Busyness, and Guilt By Bruce Miller / Tyndale House

How Can I Run a Tight Ship When I'm Surrounded by Loose Cannons? Proverbs 31 Discoveries For Yielding To The Master of The Seas By Kathi Macias / New Hope Publishers

Perfecting Ourselves to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism By Richard Winter / Inter-varsity Press